Six figure dream and a punch in the face

Okay, so I'm totally aware that my sad little blog is a freaky alternate reality.  One minute I'm Martha Stewart "paint your lamp" and the next minute I'm all "throw your other woman down a drainage ditch."  Yeah, frankly that's MY life.

Sooooo, I am returning to college. Before you "woot" and celebrate the whole "smart woman" thing... I gave up my long term goal of teaching... and I'm reaching for psychology.  Yeah, my husband's wayward ways, as much as I treasure him and his ultimate amazement and love for me... Brought me to the point where I want to tear down the human psyche to bits and pieces of fish tank stones....

I also frankly want to understand people, and eventually make a six figure income.  Let's face it, I LOVED working in Real Estate... I loved the whole vacation home rental process, like a wildebeest obsessed with outfoxing the cheetah (who was better educated and knew how to drag a carcass up into a tree), I worked my way up the ladder.  However, without a proper degree experience and an obsession deep enough to destroy my own marriage just didn't cut it.

Soooo, despite living without the obsessive compulsive, send a card, bring a dinner support I would personally have provided to someone I loved...should she be abandoned and left to manage on her own with three kids and a laminectomy.... I am reconciling with my husband sullying forth, into the unknown world of self discovery and education.

(Please Lord don't let this be some crazy pipe dream...all of it.)

I want to be in a place where I can help myself, my kids and my spouse... have hope for the future, and a bit of non-worry for a change.  Non-worry being the ability to not break out in a sweat over an upcoming mortgage, mini-van, or electric bill payment.

Sometimes, it amazes me when I realize the look on my husband's face is so open and full of love.  He knows my choices..even if they are tough in the now... are really, truly "future building opportunities" even if he barely responds when I try to discuss my plans with him.

Man, I have been working SOOOO hard not to be co-dependent.... Hello Father time and baby New Year... for the first time since 2009 a few tough, rotten, people (aka skeezy & threatening phone calls from the other woman, and support for her from her warped family, along with ostracization by his family) have stepped into our lives, trying to cut the healing Achilles Tendon of our recovery... repeatedly, even last week. Buuuuut, here we are....wishing every day was a day off we could spend together.

I really like my husband. I really love my life....and his additions to it.  I hope with every breath in my soul that a day will come that my daughter (with my help) will out bake her grandmother, my teens will all be on honor roll, and my little life will bring pride back into our sullied little clan....

What the heck am I rambling about...? On this week when the enemy stepped in and tried to boil the bunny....? Really? Nothing important.  Prayer can work when the dawn is at its darkest. So that's my plan of attack for all things not "Fly."

Someday.... I have no idea how but I will overcome this pain.  I will sleep in my husband's arms without worry... or terror that "she" is still angry and in "whore-bot retaliation" mode... ready to hurt me and mine just by picking up a phone or driving by in a pink vehicle.

Just please promise me...all of you who may read here... promise me as friends, that any make-up you buy will come from the grocery, drug, or dollar store. Never, ever, ever from a "home based" business based on a pyramid scheme and built by a woman who looks like Tammy Faye "Lite."

Oh and say a prayer for me as I head into 2011...I'll say one for you too...

Hugs friends....
Becca

P.S.  Wow, I'm too excited about being assigned a college adviser today! I hate "teen moms" on VH1, but Lord if those filthy little so and so's aren't trying to do what I've already done... without welfare, with a diploma and two full time jobs...  Good luck ladies....My kids are awesome little wonder bots.... Let's hope yours are too!!!!

On Anxiety Meds, Inhibition and Dirty Texting

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Slander, Blow Jobs, and promises

So, my *DH is a little goofy about me blogging.

He likes to pop in and look at what I’m working on. As for me, since reading The Five Languages of Love I stop what I’m doing and give him the love, after taking our self tests, I know we are both physical. It’s so nice to get into the habit of hugging and acknowledging your spouse when they address you. I had no idea. Thanks to my little *IC.

I’ve never made it a habit to keep things just between my DH and I. I have no good excuse for why I discuss my problems with him with others other than that I’m a chick who overanalyzes and likes feedback. This bad habit has made him somewhat nervous about my public blog attempt, which of course he saw when I posted a link in my Facebook…

Post His Mid-Life-Crisis me is trying to be reassuring and recognize that even though he is a big strong guy with strong opinions, that doesn’t mean he is impervious to my words, and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t hurt when I turn them into daggers or darts or when I spew and vent like a chick to whomever will listen. I don’t want to be that girl anymore, even if I don’t get the feedback from him I’d like.

So I got up from the puter’ and huggled him tonight and sweetly promised “If I blog about you I will tell you and you can see it before I post it” to which he replied, “You have to or I could sue you.” He was smiling or he might have been clocked by my coffee mug (the closest heavy item I had at hand).

“Sue me for what? Blow jobs every night? Because everything I have is yours!” I mean honestly, you know?

DH likes to start the wife-fire, because he thinks I’m cute fired up. At the worst point in our 15 year relationship-marriage, I was a screaming and a shouting, and with my hair on ends and my arms flung out wide, I asked “is there a single thing you like about me??? A single single SINGLE thing?” to which he replied coyly, “you’re feisty.”

So he said, “I could sue you for slander.” Then he went out and finished frying the pork chops. He makes me nuts. Honestly, there is not another man I have less in common with in the whole wide world. The only thing we agree on is living room furniture and not letting our teenage daughter out of our sight. The things we do have in common are private and can’t be posted publicly.

We went to a marriage councilor this week, purpose; learn to communicate better. The guy asked me, “why are you with DH?” Now we’ve been through a whole lotta stress and hell over the years my DH and I, especially during summer implosion 2009, but there was only one answer to that, “because I love him.”

I hope he doesn’t sue me for slander…. (o;

Best wishes,

RebeccaFlys

*DH: Dear Husband

*IC: Individual councillor

On Home Improvement

After settling in to our first home (one with a mortgage and not a rent) I installed a small chandelier in my dining room.

I bought it at a going out of business sale and because it was a display model I had to wait while the salesman climbed up a ladder and unscrewed the whole mess. dust bunnies floated from the display rack as he completed the process.

I brought the dusty thing home at 80% off and buffed it up. It was missing the sconces. I bought replacements for about $10.

The internet is a beautiful thing to a woman with a lazy man in the house. I’ve learned to go on “thisoldhouse.com” for lessons on producing high quality home improvements on my own.

On Chandelier day, I printed out some directions, and after DH left for work and couldn't stop me, I began the installation. I shut off all of the breakers for the whole house, just to be safe. (It was years before I honestly believed one can shut off just the breaker to just the light one is wiring. In those days, I shut them all off for safety)

I paid my 11 year daughter $1.00 to stand on the dining room table holding up the fixture while my 9 year old son held the “deer spotlight” toward the ceiling and I wrapped wire in electrical tape, twisted on wire nuts and closed up the mess.

"We all walk in the dark and each of us must learn to turn on his or her own light." ~Earl Nightingale

I honestly have never been so proud of myself in my life. I felt like I moved a mountain on Chandelier Day. And all I had moved was one little light fixture from the floor in the dining room (where it had sat for over a month), to the ceiling.

I was jubilant.

The next day I put in a bathroom wall light. All women should do home projects like this. If you are the sort of woman who feels that such things are insurmountable projects, solved only by hiring someone, or calling in your man, trust me, you should DEFINATELY, tackle some sort of home improvement project. Of course, the man of my house couldn't understand why I was so proud of myself, commenting, "Anyone can install a light fixture, it's no big deal."

Oh, but it was. And didn't he know it.

Best wishes,

Rebecca Flys