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Thursday, December 31, 2009

Christmas Break Survivor Mom Journal

Day 8 of Christmas school break.  

The screaming fight over the use of the new PS3 (thanks Gramma) begins. If dawn can be considered 11pm when the 10 & 12 year old roll from bed bleary eyed and ready for a fight.  

Once sweet 10 year old daughter rushes tv screen to change channel from Avatar episode #1,254 which 12 year old son SWEARS he has never seen. (I have personally seen it 2X)  A screaming mimi follows. Note: Dad worked a 12 hour shift and is upstairs trying to sleep.

15 in Jan daughter has spent last three nights with various friends.  (I wish she had invited me.)

With Jess Sis's help I create a list of legal punishments for pre-teen contingent. (For your enjoyment.)

  • Shovel the driveway with a Tea Spoon.
  • Use new hand held back massager on face until lips don't work (theirs not mine) In attempt to foil future verbal assaults upon one another.
  • Brush the dog's teeth with liver flavored doggy toothpaste.
  • Put my new Ped Egg to good use by sloughing dead skin off of MY feet.
  • Clean up Christmas Tree needles with teeth.
  • Write "Who is my hero" essay about me.
  • Locate and collect frozen dog turds in lawn. Child who collects most may concoct and perform poetry and/or dance in my honor.

I would like to invite those of you on your own "back to school countdowns" to add to this totally legal list of punishments which should not in any way lead to child abuse charges.

Wayward nearly 15 year old calls to be picked up from friend's house, hears siblings bickering in threatening tone in background, requests to stay. (I do not ask if I can come too).

Jittery caffeinated me takes dogs for poop/pee walk. Brody pup's leash snaps. One hour spent hiking around in woods and creek, while wearing pajamas (is there anything else?) DH's shoes, no socks, and DH's coat while trying to lure Brodylicious back to me.  DH's dog snickers at me, reveling in the fact that she is better trained. (Photo taken before leash snapped.)   

I seriously take into consideration the sudden inspiration to add Nyquil and/or Benadryl to the children's Ramen Noodles. 

It is New Year's Eve. I have Kalua, I have Vodka, I have Milk. I write this piece of the blog, note the time and realize I'm only a few hours away from 2010, 3 days away from BACK TO SCHOOL, and a New Year's pizza away from Nirvana. Amen.   

15 in January daughter just got dropped off. I am one Home-made White Russian into my new year.  I just poured a Cap'n Coke. I'm out of ice (of course since the puppy likes it and the kids CONSTANTLY give him my drink ice) and starting to feel the New Year.  We need to go visit Ooma (my mom) and no one can find the keys,  which I left on top of the dryer when I emptied DH's pockets to wash his pants today.  What do you think blogosphere, should I tell them where the stuff in their pockets goes when I do laundry, or after 6 years of living here should they already know?  Tee hee.

I just heard my son say "I looked in the van for the keys and all I found was a rotton apple. I threw it."

If I hadn't mixed anti-depressants with alchohol I would not share the following accidental picture:

Note the thick layer of dust. You may look at the dust but you may not write in it.  

I just My husband came down to get his shirt out of the dryer. You know, that's the way you get wrinkles out of something that probably should be washed, but that you aren't going to wash...  Anyhow, DH just yelled "Becky, the kids want to know how come you left these scratches on my chest." When I didn't say anything, DH yelled "Becky!" again.  I'm not drunk enough to explain "wiggly blanket" to the kids.  So I shout "you know Brody did that." To which DH, not so D at the moment, shouts, "Liar."

Oh, and I think I may have broken a pinkie promise. You know, the one I mentioned in an earlier blog where I swore I would let DH see any posts that mentioned him before I hit "publish".

Oops.  Gotta Go. Wish me luck.

Best wishes,


  1. Daughter is only 2.5, but very soon I fear I will be counting down the days she starts school and then goes back from breaks. Not looking forward to it. Who would?!


  2. I love these...frozen turds and liver paste are my favs...I wish I wouldve been more creative when my kids were younger..hey it gets better..right..? I hope you can get your haircur and color..! Happy new year..!!

  3. I am officially counting down the minutes to school. I have no idea what made me think this holiday season would be relaxing, but I've had enough!!!
    I love you too!

  4. Well I like to make her do things that make no sence what so ever like moving dirt from one spot to the other or Refolding towels. Fun Fun Fun